Parenting Multiples

I remember the moment very clearly, eight years ago exactly. I was strolling through the mall with my newborn son, who was only about a month old. I was finding the adjustment to motherhood to be very difficult. It was hard for me to reconcile the overwhelming love and joy I felt experiencing being a mom for the first time, with the longing of missing my child-free life; one with uninterrupted sleep, a mentally stimulating job, and endless time for my self-care and my relationships.

I saw a young woman around my age pushing a stroller in the opposite direction from me. As I passed her, I was astounded to see two newborn babies, each in their own car seat in the stroller. I am sure my mouth hung open in amazement as she passed me, as I had barely been able to get myself and my son fed, dressed, and out the door that morning, and she was making it look easy with two! I remember thinking to myself, “ I would never be able to handle twins – I can barely manage one baby”.

Lo and behold, a year and a half later, my partner and I decided to try for another baby and wound up with the amazing surprise of twins. We left the first ultrasound with combined feelings of panic and unbelievable excitement. When I gave birth to our twin daughters, we had three children under the age of two and half. To say that time in my life was overwhelming is an understatement.

Families of twins, triplets, quads, quints, and more (often referred to as “multiples”) get to experience amazing blessings. Multiples have a remarkable relationship with one another and with their families. They bring fun, energy, and unique temperaments to their environments. However, families of multiples also face many additional challenges.

According to the Centre for Perinatal Excellence (COPE, 2024), families of multiples have an increased risk of economic struggles, parenting challenges, and parent mental health concerns. Birthing parents and non-birthing parents are at an increased risk of developing perinatal mental health concerns, including perinatal anxiety, depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and the rare occurrence of postpartum psychosis. Multiples are also much more likely to experience disruptions and challenges in-utero, premature birth, NICU admissions, and possible subsequent developmental challenges (Heath Canada, 2013).

My experience with twins is only one of many, and my own. I don’t assume that any family experiences the same struggles or highlights. When I work with parents-of-multiples in my therapy practice, we focus on many things, including validating the challenges they are experiencing, problem-solving issues and creating support plans, assessing parents’ mental health needs, building up personal and relational resiliency, and highlighting families’ strengths. For my partner and I, the first two years with our twins were by far the most difficult. Navigating feeding and sleep challenges, twin-specific health and developmental difficulties, and the never-ending need for support were the most pressing needs. Now that our daughters are out of the preschooler phase, life feels more manageable but still has its unique challenges. However, for some families, parenting struggles can present at various life and developmental stages unique to their situation.

Support for families of multiples is of the utmost importance to support both family and individual functioning. This support can include many factors, including specialized perinatal mental health support (which both myself and my business partner offer at Encircled Therapy and Wellness), non-profit support groups and organizations (Calgary has an amazing organization for these families, TTMAC; see the link below), and leaning on the support of family, friends, neighbours, faith organizations, and many others. If you are expecting multiples or already have them, make sure you surround yourself with as much support as possible, including mental health support if needed; the benefits for both parents and children are limitless.

Sources:

COPE: Centre of Perinatal Excellence. Available from: https://www.cope.org.au/new-parents/emotional-health-new-parents/coping-with multiples/

Health Canada. Health risks of fertility treatments [Internet]. Ottawa (ON): HC; 2013 [cited

2019 July 9]. Available from: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/fertility/health-risks-fertility-treatments.html.

Twins, Triplets, and More Association of Calgary (https://www.ttmac.org/)