What is Neurodiversity, and How Can it Impact Parenting?

Do you feel like parenting is more difficult for you than others? Do tasks like booking your child’s appointments, reading daycare or school emails, or managing extra-curricular activities feel daunting? Do you find the noise of your child’s playing or crying elicits a more extreme response from you than it does from your partner? Or do you feel like your child might be different in some ways from other children their age, making the already difficult job of being a parent even harder?

Maybe you have heard the term “neurodiverse” or “neurodivergent”, or perhaps this is an entirely new term to you.

The term “neurodivergent” was first coined by sociologist Judy Singer in 1998 to describe the broad spectrum that occurs in brains that have developed differently from average brains (Singer, 2017). Neurodiversity applies to anyone whose brain may be slightly different from “typical”, including people who have Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Learning Disorders/challenges, intellectual giftedness, and intellectual disabilities, among others. I would actually argue that every single person on earth is neurodiverse, as we all have unique brains with exceptional ways of learning and navigating the world around us. However, for the purpose of this article, the term neurodiversity will focus on those with the previously mentioned diagnoses.

Sensory Sensitivities

Neurodiversity can impact a person’s functioning in various ways, including how they learn, work, socialize, care for themselves, and parent their children. For instance, a parent with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) may have sensory sensitivities (such as being more impacted by sounds, textures, or visual stimuli than a neurotypical person). Often, a person can manage these sensitivities fairly well if living alone or with another adult. However, babies and small children are incredibly loud beings with very little awareness of how their sounds and touch affect those around them. While a baby crying can be emotionally triggering for any parent, for a neurodiverse parent, it may be excruciating, likewise, for the constant touching and lack of personal space a child may have.

Executive Functioning

Parenting also brings with it extensive executive functioning challenges for parents. Executive functioning refers to a set of mental skills needed for excelling in life, including planning, organizing, follow-through, completing tasks, motivation, managing impulsivity, and time-management skills, among others (Barkley, 2020). I believe that the demands placed on any parent regarding sleep/nap schedules, childcare needs/schedules, extra-curricular activities, school involvement, medical appointments, and the overall juggling of children’s needs with the parent’s needs are mentally exhausting for any parent. However, for a parent who is neurodiverse and has a pre-existing vulnerability with their executive functioning, these demands can be overwhelming. The result is mental exhaustion, feelings of anxiety or overwhelm, difficulties with managing emotions, or functioning deficits (such as missing drop-off/pick-up times, forgetting about pre-planned events, or struggling to register the child for medical appointments or extra-curricular activities).

Social Demands

Neurodiversity can also play a role in social abilities. A significant factor in someone being diagnosed with ASD is that they have deficits in their social skills and abilities. People with other diagnoses, including learning disorders, ADHD, or giftedness, also may struggle with interpreting social cues or navigating social conversations appropriately. Becoming a parent often brings increased social demands, such as child play dates, school events, and socializing with children’s parents. For some, this may be tolerable or even enjoyable. However, for some neurodiverse parents, these increased social demands are anxiety-provoking and physically and emotionally draining.

Parenting a Neurodiverse Child

We have been focusing on the role that neurodiversity plays in the parent’s struggles, but what if it is the child who is neurodiverse? Parenting a child with one or many neurodiverse diagnoses is challenging in its own regard. These children and youth often require more patience and understanding regarding their unique needs. They also may have more medical, educational, and allied health appointments than other children, requiring extra time and money from parents. Finally, these children might also differ from other family members, resulting in challenging family dynamics. All of these aspects can take a toll on the parents of the family who have to navigate these challenges. Due to genetic factors, there is a very high likelihood that both a parent and their child will be neurodiverse (Singer, 2017). This commonality can be helpful in some ways, such as creating a deeper understanding between the parent and child of their similarities. However, just because a child and parent are both neurodiverse does not mean that they will share the same difficulties or challenges.

Thus, it can be a tricky and complicated dance to figure out how best to support the child while also managing one’s vulnerabilities as a neurodiverse parent.

Gifts of Neurodiversity

This article has focused a great deal on the challenges associated with parenting as a neurodiverse person or parenting a neurodiverse child. However, we could write another whole article on the benefits and strengths that come along with having a brain that does not fit into the “typical”. These strengths could include increased creativity, specialized areas of interest, and unique ways of learning and engaging with the world, among many others!

Sound Familiar?

Did you resonate with anything in this article, either from the parent or child perspective? At Encircled Therapy and Wellness, I specialize in working with parents who are struggling with the role that neurodiversity plays in their parenting and family functioning. In therapy, this work could include psycho-education regarding diagnoses and the cognitive profile of the parent or child and problem- solving and coaching regarding various needs, including executive functioning challenges, sensory sensitivities, social challenges, or bonding/attachment between parent and child.

Starting this fall (2024), I will also offer formalized assessments to child and adolescent clients. These assessments may examine cognitive abilities, educational needs, and social/emotional abilities and may include formal diagnoses. These assessments are valuable tools to help parents better understand their child(ren) and the unique needs that they may have. If you are interested, please book a free 15-minute phone consultation!

References:

Barkley, R. (2020). Executive Functions: What They Are, How They Work, and Why They Evolved. Guildford Press.

Singer, J. (2017). Neurodiversity: The Birth of an Idea. Judy Singer.